Wet T-shirts And Other Matters

No Water Zone
So yesterday, Celery and Steve were in her room, with excessive amounts of water pistols to hand since Steve was playing Assassins... and apparently seeing people coming back to BB O making "eurgh, rain" faces and postures led her to conclude that the rain just wasn't doing enough to soak us.

Cez and Steve then grabbed a watergun each and proceeded to open fire on about eight (already cold and wet) innocents below her window... frustrated at Richard's tactic of hiding by the stairwell, Cez threw down the CPS (Supersoaker, for the uninitiated)... cue point-blank soaking of Richard and battling to keep hold of the gun.

At some point Steve also ran down the stairs brandishing two waterguns - shootout between Steve and Richard naturally followed, with James joining the let's-run-around-like-sugar-hyped-eejits brigade with a sports-capped water bottle.

Steve eventually gave his guns to Ana and me - they were directed at Richard, who happened to be closest, but unfortunately this closeness was a bit of a disadvantage considering his CPS was about twice the combined size of our guns (ergo, wet t-shirts and need for revenge).
I also remember shooting at Blaise, and being shot fairly precisely in the mouth, but I honestly don't know where she found the gun...

A truce was called at some point while everyone went to sit in James' room, but stupidly we also brought the waterguns. Steve shot the stairwell (well... good...it won't be bothering us anymore... or something). Ana shot Steve. This wasn't remarkable. However, the reflexive headshot Steve made with the RBG about half a second after she raised the gun was fairly amazing. Although, worryingly, he seems to lack the ability to restrain himself from shooting when an empty watergun is raised.


A Petition
Dear [whoever sorts out stuff to do with Hall food; I don't know who this is, but it's a minor detail],

It has come to my attention, in the worst possible manner, that the quality of Hall food has fallen to an unacceptable standard. Admittedly this isn't much of a drop in relative terms, but I and my colleagues assume that previously the food served in Hall might have passed quality inspection for human consumption. Perhaps in a more rural area of Eastern Europe, I must add, but still a legal method of avoiding student starvation among those too cheap/unskilled/busy/lacking in self-preservation instincts to cook for themselves.

The problem seems to have arisen gradually, and I must therefore assume that this is due to a progressive loss of interest on the part of the Hall staff. That, dear sir, is why we write to you.

These people are, in some cases, quite far from home, and even those that aren't must sometimes find themselves seriously questioning their job satisfaction: what member of the waiting staff hasn't found themselves questioning their chosen path in life in those lonely moments spent behind a tray of rapidly-cooling green beans, watching the employee to their left run out of chips for the third time in half an hour? Who among them hasn't occasionally felt slightly depressed watching person after faceless person drift past, all choosing similar food, avoiding the spaghetti, fish and avocado bake in favour of pizza?

I and my colleagues suggest, then, that all waiting staff get the chance of more excitement in their day's work. How about hiding a cherry bomb in one of the food trays as they come up? The "winning" employee gets a gentle awakening, the students get a shower of free food, and unless the tray contained something vaguely liquid, everyone's a winner. I would suggest also that the bombed employee wear the "Happy Bomber T-Shirt" - preferably red, with a suitable slogan telling the world how they won the foodbomb lottery - to cheer themselves and the rest of the waiting staff for the remainder of the lunch break. Or, you know, pay them occasionally - there's a lot to be said about the prestige of working for Trinity, but when these people mentioned their problems with liquid assets they actually weren't complaining about the quality of the soup. Although that's fairly shite too, if we're being honest.

In any case, the following suggestions are... suggested:

1)Pay the chef. Please?
2)Curry powder does not automatically make something fluid a "curried soup".
3)Wash the glasses.
4)The vegetarian option does not always have to include carrots. Really. We're not that fond of them.
5) Golden-brown chips may please the eye, but we'd much prefer if the middle bit was cooked as well.
6) BLT is a sandwich. Ham and tomato, ham and cheese, chicken salad: sandwiches, all. "Roasted Mediterranean vegetables with hummus" is a piss-take.
7)Sample the food yourself for a week. See how long before you break.
8)Suggest to the chef that choosing three random items from the cupboard and putting them in one pot is not creativity, unless the end product still resembles a food-like substance and - note that this point is important - is edible for those of the student body with tastebuds.
9) More cheesecake. Always more cheesecake.
10) In Formal Hall, as you are well aware, we have no choice of menu. Please do not abuse this fact as an opportunity to test/dispose of the more questionable menu items.
11)The term "green salad" is not applicable to the random plants the gardeners cut down, no matter how much their colour may in fact resemble a salad shade of green. If you refuse to replace these with lettuce and other food-quality plants, at the very least please remember to wash off the weedkiller. It burns the mouth.
12) Raw white fish wrapped in the seaweed bought in from Great Yarmouth can, indeed, be made to resemble authentic sushi, and is quite pleasing aesthetically. We request that you be satisfied with that, and do not try to make us ingest these items.
13) A pudding recipe sourced from Eton is nowadays unrecognisable to most of the student body. Please accept that we are young and occasionally afraid of the unknown, especially when the unknown comes with mooshy bits.

The above agreed with by the undersigned:

...
...
...
... It appears several of my colleagues have succumbed to (respectively) starvation collapse, anorexic collapse, stress breakdown collapse and depressive apathy ("What's the point? 'Always the same'... they'll never fix it...").
Despite this, the above points still stand. Except the one about happy bombers, that was bullshit.
Get to work.