Normally I avoid writing posts that involve Louise in any way, since she has a tendency to continue for weeks after to come up to me with a visitor in tow when I'm on the computer, and tell me to "show him/her that blog you wrote about me."
1) THE BLOG IS THE FULL WEBSITE. It is my full open-access journal for the past year and more-than-a-half. I wrote a post about you. An entry, even. I do not keep an entire blog dedicated to your exploits. That's what you should be keeping a journal about.
2) As I've said many times before, when I'm in the computer seat I'm using the computer (and internet) for my work or I'm looking at videos/comics/jokes/whatever to amuse me. Occasionally I will feel like sharing. If this happens I will call other people over. I do not appreciate being treated like the pilot or remote control for "your" computer.
3) The saying that "there's no such thing as bad publicity" is only true if you're a desperately-clinging celebrity of fading talent and looks (Britney - babydropperalmoster, divorcee, now apparently alco... Wouldn't hiring someone to write you a damn song be easier?) or of no discernable worth whatsoever (hey Paris Hilton, I hear falling off buildings is the new big thing - Lindsey Lohan's been doing it and people are actually starting to like her again. Yes, she is. I respect you too much to lie to you [snrk]. If you cover all the fees I can book you the roof of the Hilton Hotel in Belfast for Thursday).
4) Empty the dishwasher.
Re: inability to breathe.
Okay; now, on to the main topic.
In the early afternoon we (me & Mammy Donnelly) set off for the town centre. For those who don't know, it's 20 minutes' drive away from the house, and thus shopping tends to be appreciated by my sisters more than most children due to the "whee! We're going out for the day!" factor (also due to their uncanny Jedi mind-tricks that cause people to buy them things).
A quick initial map is appropriate here:
Louise was in the kitchen as we got in the car.
Side note: Louise is always VERY keen to get into town. She'd probably already have been in the car if it wasn't for the (successful) fight a few minutes ago to make her empty the dishwasher.
On hearing the car reversing out of the driveway, Louise stopped faffing about in the kitchen - she still hadn't started on the dishwasher - looked at the fleeing car with extreme horror (I know this from seeing it through the kitchen window), and, matching the speed of the car remarkably well, sprinted across the kitchen to thwap herself, spreadeagled*, clawing against the glass of the kitchen window with an anguished scream visible on her face**.
My ma managed to slam on the brakes at that point - just as well, since we spent the next two minutes crying with laughter over the dashboard.
Gerard came out to us shortly after, asking wtf was going on. He'd pelted downstairs after hearing Louise's terrified, full-on-tragedy/emergency scream of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" followed by the loud sound of something fleshy-solid hitting something head-damagingly-solid. He'd rather sensibly concluded that Kathryn had probably fallen off a chair and broken her brains on the kitchen floor, and had come down instead to find Louise whimperingly pawing at a window while my ma and I were sitting in the car, pissing ourselves laughing.
We composed ourselves long enough to tell him what had happened before I noticed that Tara was standing with her front paws on the (same) kitchen windowsill and looking out at us - at this point both of us visualised the dog and/or Louise performing the "NOOOO!" moment and commenced pissing ourselves laughing again.
Incidentally, Louise did get to go into town in the end, but only after the dishes had been sorted out.
Which took just enough time to allow us to calm down for a bit, and for Gerard to also come to the window and imitate the "NOOOO!"
... And that, friends, is the reason I spent a large amount of time today being unable to breathe.
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*I doubt she was pulling the punches, either. I think I saw her bounce a little bit.
** For a rough idea, combine the top left and bottom right expressions in this picture.
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