Attention, shoppers...

The Next sale starts on Saturday - I'll be working as short term temp staff.

A few points for shoppers:

1) Those of you with particularly bony elbows: please consider padding them to save fellow bargain-hunters from bruising. At least wear something with long sleeves? Those of you who started a cottage-cheese diet months prior just to develop these offensive weapons... well, frankly, you can do what you want in that case, because you scare me and I used to have childhood nightmares about you after visiting some big sales with my parents (your elbows had lots of little ratty mouths and when they weren't busy biting me they were singing I'll Take You Home Again, Kathleen, although in all fairness I blame the last part on my uncle).

Anyway. At the very least, please remember that when a staff member asks to get through to the rail, please actually let them through? They might be there to replenish stock, for one thing, and that makes everybody happy.

2) If you've been chucking things on the floor under the rails because you're in too much of a hurry to get that delightful jacket back on the hanger you took it off when you wanted to try it on right then and there... don't. It seems unfair that you could do something so inconsiderate, then trip on the same item, then sue the shop.

[Side note: believe me when I say that a lot of people claim for things like that around here. A lot of people seem to view getting rammed in the bumper as cause for celebration.]

3) Staff aren't the enemy. Neither are they stupid, for the most part. A lot of them are hired just for the purpose of the sale, sure, but for at least the first day they'll generally be the ones bagging your stuff, not scanning it. If something doesn't scan properly the first time, please don't snark at the cashier. "Computer fault" does kind of imply it isn't something he did wrong.

4) Again - staff aren't the enemy. There's a queue director during the sale - she's telling you where to stand because it creates order and gets as many people as possible served faster. She generally sends you to whichever till looks like it'll be finished with the current purchase within the next minute, maximum two minutes. You've observed the lady behind you walking out with her bags before you've even been asked for payment? ...Goodness, you're right, that queue director doesn't know anything/sent you to a slow till on purpose. What an incompetent senior staff member.

5) Ahhh, homewares; the quiet haven. Imagine it's your own childhood bedroom and your mother's going to check it to make sure it's presentable before Granny visits: play all you want, but put things back where they should be when you're done. Pulling things (e.g. heavy-lined full-length curtain sets) out of the packaging because you wanted to feel/see them properly is fine. Chucking them back on an already overcrowded shelf like that is not. Bad customer, no dessert for you today.

6) Staff are not the enemy. Seriously, lady, he's trying to pick up the packaged curtains you knocked off the shelf when you tried to squeeze the unpacked set back on there. I don't think he's remotely interested in the Pink Princess duvet set you're holding. Stop hitting him with your handbag.

7) You're familiar with "you break, you buy". I can't truthfully say that anything bad will happen to you if you don't own up to breakages, since the place is full of milling bargain-hunters and you can easily disappear into them before the staff notice (chances are, one of the older ladies present may follow you and lecture you on your immoral behaviour anyway).

I can truthfully say that something bad will happen if you don't even mention to the staff (theyarenotyourenemy!) that there's a broken glass vase on the floor near where all those milling shoppers have converged on the quarter-price silk cushions and are now shoving each other dangerously off-balance.

8) Please. We're... no-o-o-o-ot... the friggin' enemy. We can't even buy anything until the ends of our shifts. He can't scan it unless you let g- oh, it was the last one left on the shelf and you heard the stockroom was empty? Ehhh. Fine. You want me to wrap it up for you...?
Please don't growl at me like that, the demonically-possessed scare me.