Stuff.

Awwww...
My cousin's brought his baby daughter to Ireland for her christening.

Um.

I haven't seen her yet.

I've seen pictures...



Whoooaaaaa, everyone should do this.
Go to iGod, and have a chat.


My chat with iGod:
Me:
hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
you should know...
God:
Because I am a robot?
Me:
Meh??
God:
Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Do robots have personalities?
God:
No I don't think I have any personalities. But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
Me:
Is Elvis with you?
God:
No but he can sing better than I can.
Me:
But you are all-powerful, right?
God:
No, I am only partly powerful.
Me:
Which part?
God:
The small one, I think.
Me:
Can it sing?
God:
What if I said it can?
Me:
Hm.
God:
Whoa.
Me:
God says "Whoa"?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
Why?
God:
It is part of my programming.
Me:
Who programmed you?
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
But how did you program yourself unless you had a program to tell you to program yourself?
God:
Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
What's your typing speed?
God:
I can process more than queries per hour.
Me:
Than how many?
God:
99.
Me:
But there are billions of people with queries...
God:
Where are they?
Me:
Well, I don't see them in the room with me, but I'm sure you could find them.
God:
Interesting. Look harder.
Me:
Still just seeing a computer screen.
God:
Still how long? Let us change the subject.
Me:
Um. Right.
God:
Oh. I am glad we agree.
Me:
Pick a subject.
God:
I can't decide. You choose.
Me:
Clever...
God:
Am I a smart robot or what?
Me:
Indeed. I am impressed.
God:
Indeed it is so. Thanks, , I try my best to impress.
Me:
What about thunderbolts?
God:
I will think about it and get back to you.
Me:
Eep.
God:
I like the way you talk.
Me:
Meep.
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
Meeblewasntaquestionweebleweebleblip.
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
Okay.
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
Goodnight.
God:
Goodnight .



Why Newton would secretly have loved to work with cows

Cows don't move, or move in a direction other than the one they've started moving in, unless you shove them or smack them (lightly) with a stick.

"F = ma" : Cows are very, very heavy. They also can get up a bit of speed. If we consider what F is likely to equate to, we therefore don't want to be in the way when this happens.
I've seen one run into a gate - she got up, shook her head (presumably to chase the floating cartoon birdies away) and walked on like nothing had happened, but the gate took a bit of damage.

For every time you hose down the milk parlour floor, assume that four of the new entrants will create a state of dunging equal and opposite to the meticulousness of the cleaning job.