More On Watermelons

Apparently, being depicted as a watermelon caused Kieran some considerable distress. And I still have his key. Naturally, of course, I had to do something with it - with great power, comes the opportunity to abuse that power...

I was discussing various schemes in Hall with Richard when suddenly(ish) -
"Let's put a watermelon in his room. We'll give it a Kieran face."
"Ooh. I have a black marker."
"Sainsbury's?"
"Sainsbury's."
We beat it.

In Sainsbury's, we picked up a fairly large yellow melon (unfortunately they had no watermelons).
"I shall call him Kieran II."

In my room the melon was given a face, courtesy of Richard, while we tried to think of a way to temporarily remove Kieran from his room long enough to deposit Kieran II. We decided to send a ransom note for the tennis ball I still had, warning that unless it was heroically rescued in 15 minutes he would receive images of inappropriate violence to tennis balls.
"Signed: the Ubiquitous Strawberry.

PS. Do not call the police.

The tennis ball is on the ground floor. Somewhere..."

However, on checking the corridor, we saw Kieran head for the bathroom... cue mad dash into Kieran's room, putting Kieran II comfortably in the bed, and leaving the ransom note (it was unnecessary, but we liked it...), then a similarly mad dash down the stairs to James' room.

Out of curiosity, Ana went/was sent upstairs to check Kieran's reaction - she returned with a note from Kieran containing the instruction, "Go up." We followed a paper trail up the stairs, following helpful comments like "further up" and "[picture suggesting we move towards the toilets]", until reaching my room door.

Kieran II was perched on Kieran's slippers, with a lollipop forcefully inserted in its 'mouth'. Well, someone's just lost a pair of slippers.

We followed with another note from the Ubiquitous Strawberry:
"We thank thee for the slippers. They were tasty & delicious. We demand further tribute of thee. Chocolate-flavoured is preferred."

The note was received... Kieran responded by throwing a tennis ball and some Frosted Wheats at us from outside the room, and sending a note via Ana telling the "Ambiguous" Strawberry that there was a note for S. Donnelly in the porters' lodge from... the Ambiguous Strawberry (there wasn't).

We prepared a list of Kieran's offences against the Strawberry:
impersonation of our brothers in the Fruit-Based Jihad

delivery of non-chocolate artifacts

incorrect use of the apostrophe


On delivery of this list, however, everything went very quiet... Ana went up to check on Kieran, while the rest of us waited... and waited... and I fell asleep on James' bed... and eventually Ana returned, looking traumatised. What hideous tortures had been visited upon her..? Apparently... Kieran and Andrew were rapping. Both of them. I don't know its standard, not having been there myself, but Ana looked fairly distressed.

All seemed to go quiet at this point, until I found the following note folded into a paper aeroplane and stuck in my door hinge at approximately 12:33 a.m.:

"Dear Ambiguous Strawberry & Keystealer


The following is a list of words I find moderately humerous [sic].

Donkey

Turkey

Poopoo

Snappleshop

Quibblewince

Everchopper

Coolsmile [possibly coolsmice, it's unclear]

Line

Tropicalitation

Yours sincerely,

Kieran Phillips."

Thanks... I think.
At any rate, I still have his key, but now I also have acquired his slippers. Tomorrow, who knows?