The Melancholy Death of Kieran II
Today, it seemed Kieran II had reached the limits of its usefulness. There's something rather pathetic about a melon with half a face who's been rejected by his namesake. No... I didn't expect you to understand. You didn't have it staring at you when you woke up, with an expression that could only possibly mean, "My eyes are smudged... the light fades... if only I could let go with dignity." Well, God forbid this brave little melon might gradually wilt in my room, until one day disposed of by a disgusted Vicky. That's just not what it deserved.
Kieran II's passing would be a celebration of its brief but beautiful life.
It fell to me to send him on his way to final peace... or, indeed, pieces. With a surprisingly large knife donated by Raccoon, and assured of its sharpness (Kieran II wouldn't feel a thing), Kieran II was laid lovingly on the cleanest spot of the kitchen work surface, and the decisive cut delivered as swiftly and smoothly as possible.
Kieran II, rest in peace. You were delicious, and a very effective prank. We shall not forget you.
The Scattering Of Remains
Kieran was not present at the memorial of Kieran II. This struck the Ubiquitous Strawberry as morally wrong, and demanding of punishment; or, failing that, a reminder of the melon's passing.
"Care for a SLICE of melon?
The Ubiquitous Strawberry"
We left him a sizeable slice of Kieran II's face. He may or may not have eaten it. Time will surely tell.
Kieran III: The Birth Of A New Legend
When we left the final remainder of Kieran II at Kieran's door, we left with a feeling of strange emptiness inside. Our little Kieran II was gone.
Naturally, we wanted to have another Kieran... and we would name it Kieran III.
The question was, what kind of Kieran should Kieran III be? It was obvious it couldn't be another melon (not least because we couldn't actually get in the door, the original JKP being in his room and unlikely to come out)...
Kieran III would be bold, and brassy (or failing that, metallic), and naturally... a fire extinguisher.
With a face.
And slippers.
"KIERAN III:
with new pumping action!"
It makes you proud...
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