An eye-opening visit to a toy store

Toys today are amazing. Absolutely incredible.

And not in the good way.

Are toy designers really so money-driven that they don't think about what they're making?...

Let's investigate...

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Observation 1:

YES, FURRYVILLE. That is an actual toy brand.

Okay, I thought, obviously it's due to ignorance of the existence of "furries", it's amusing, really... then I saw these:

Hmm. Catgirls... well, maybe that's just to appeal to the anime-loving little girls out there... or their anthro-hentai-appreciating much older brothers..?

And then:

Goat people? GOAT PEOPLE? You Satanists! You want to turn the nation's youth into mini-devil-worshippers! You, who sell Harry Potter dress-up sets that glorify the evil of witchcraft!

(Side note: it would actually be quite terrifying to meet anyone who actually believes the above.)

But yes, more little anthro toys.

Conclusion 1:

Toy manufacturers secretly want to encourage all children toward the furry lifestyle.

Or possibly Satanism.

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Observation 2:

Quite aside from the design flaws of the scooter (how is the horse going to steer without falling off the back when it hits a bump? Do you accelerate by twisting the throttle like on a typical motorbike, using a wrist movement horses aren't capable of? Because if so the problem of how to steer becomes slightly irrelevant by comparison), there was also the very painfully bad name given to the My Little Pony driving it:

Yes, its name is "Scooter Sprite". Which I can only assume was its given name at birth, or whenever it is they get those rump tattoos done, since it has a picture of a scooter near its tail.

[imagines Pony coming-of-age ceremony resembling a cross between a Bat Mitzvah (they're nearly all girls, aren't they? Hey, where do baby MLPs come from?) and a biker-getting-the-gang-tattoo style of inititiation]

I'm sure it's difficult coming up with names relevant to the pony when there are already so many of them, but even a 6-year-old would have a vague feeling of embarrassment when asked if her new toy has a name.

Then, there was this affront to the senses:

Are they honestly trying to convince girls that they'll look glamorous or grown-up in some way whilst they have a tangled net of fluorescent-green-and-pink synthetics on their head? I mean really, what little girl sees this and thinks it looks cool?

Conclusion 2:

In the toy-making world, if you're selling to little girls, assume they're completely stupid.

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Observation 3:

Conclusion 3:

Toys are getting uglier.

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Observation 4:

Conclusion 4:

Children modelling on toy packaging are getting uglier.

(To the little girl's parents: don't try to take the moral high ground, you let your child model for the packaging of a McDonald's play food set. You're selling your child to encourage childhood obesity.)

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Observation 5:

I initally thought that this was a "farmer and his wife" type of set. Upon closer observation...

Sorry, the photo's blurry. The farmer (in the hat, beside the girly blonde) is wearing make-up and has some visible... curves.

Conclusion 5:

Hey kids! Let's hear a big "yaaaaay" for alternative family structures!

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Observation the last:

Conclusion the last:

Some people are destined to wear anoraks from an early age.